Taniwha (taniwhanui) wrote in beingmyselfbpd,

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Crossposted in other Borderline Personality Disorder communities

About a month ago, my friend R. (who has BPD) told me in confidence that her sister R2 was given $2000 by the bank when she should've been given $200. I mentioned my friend Maggie, who then asked R2 for a loan. I didn't think she would do that. It got R. in trouble with her sister, because she wasn't supposed to say anything about the incident. R. thought that Maggie and her partner were trying to rip her sister off. Maggie and Dwight repaid the money as quickly as they could and I apologized to both R. and R2 about mentioning the incident.

On May 22nd, I wrote a Live Journal entry about a fight R, and Maggie had. R. was annoyed because Maggie called her Wee Ears and sent her some unpleasant texts. Maggie was upset and asked me why R. was doing so. I told her that R. doesn't like being called Wee Ears and that she thinks that Maggie and her partner were trying to rip her siser R2 off.

I sent her a birthday card, as did Maggie. Maggie also sent her a letter saying that she was upset that R. thinks that she and her partner were trying to rip R2 off.

So today I get a bunch of text messages from R. Conversation follows;

R: hi, got ur card thanx. found out im having a wee boy, going to call him benjamin, got a letter from maggie saying u told them our conversation last week about the loan my sister gave them, very fucked off, plz dont contact me, dont need 'friends' like u who cant be trusted, uve done this repeatedly and i cant be bothered anymore, bye

Taniwha: Maggie was upset bcos u sent her abusive txts & asked me why u did that. I told her u don't like being called wee ears and u think they tried 2 rip off ur sister which is true & she has a right to know if ur saying shit like that about them. We both try 2 b nice 2 u & u get suspicious & paranoid & get mad @ us & treat us like shit & say stuff like this 2 us & we don't deserve it. If u want friends u have 2 not bitch about them & get mad @ them & tell them 2 fuck off all the time

R:I didnt send abusive txts i just asked her to stop calling me that nickname and she told me to 'snap out of it' u should never told her about the loan in the first place, as i asked u to keep quiet about it, this got me in shit, and its obvious to anyone with half a brain that id lost trust in them, that it wasnt 4 u to say, i tested ur trust, u failed, now leave me the fuck alone, u loud-mouth bitch

Taniwha: Good 4 you R. U keep doing ur thing & alienate evry1 u meet. Ur going 2 b a very lonely girl with no friends bcos u treat people like shit & set them up 2 fail

R: no Taniwha u r wrong, u may justify it any way u want by calling me paranoid or whatever, but i know in my heart i cant trust u, uve broken it over and over, u 2 fat lesbos r welcome 2 each other i havent wanted u 4 friend 4 ages, ur wierd, and i barely see maggie, shes more an acquaintance, im not wasting my timem thoughts and credit on u butchy lez i have other friends u idiot, ur so judgemental uve always taken it upon urself to help the loser charity case but im fine, i have highs+lowslike every other human, but im fine, the only thing ive done to u is stand up for myself when u backstab me, so u and maggie can bitch all u like now, im not around to hear it, whoo hoo

Taniwha: Can't u c that u r being hypocritical urself by bitching about maggie? u decided ages ago that u can't trust me & there's obviously nothing i can do 2 change that, so just let it go. U do whatever u like. Good luck 2 u. Hope everything works out 4 u & the baby. I don't want 2 play games or b called names by u. don't deserve it.


I know that it was wrong of me to mention the loan to Maggie, but I apologized for it and can't change the past. As for telling Maggie that R. thinks she and her partner were trying to rip R2 off, well I can see why R. considers this is a breach of trust, but I think that she and Dwight had a right to know.

I'm just tired of getting caught in the middle. I feel like I broke R.'s trust once in 2004, once this year and now she's just setting me up for failure I can see her point, but I also think that that if she's determined to believe that I'm untrustworthy, then of course I'm going to fail her tests sooner or later. And I really can't be bothered with it. I don't see her as a charity case. I've tried to help her, but only because I care about her and want to see her well and happy. I do think she's alienating people, but I've never believed that she has no other friends, I just think that she won't have any left if she keeps treating them the way she does.


This is all so fucking frustrating and annoying. I can't win.

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